So the dust is starting to settle, and the verdict is in, I’m really and truly 40 years old. I keep thinking something should be different, but I’m not sure what. Like 40 is magic and will change everything about me, but it hasn’t. It’s just another year. It’s just another number. It’s just a new decade.
A new decade with new challenges. A new decade with new joys and hurts. A new decade of success and failure. A new decade to become a better wife, sister, daughter, friend. A new decade of finding God’s purpose for my life.
It seems a tall order for a mere 10 years, but with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, an order I think can be met.
My biggest challenge will be in overcoming my fears. I wish I could go back to the moment when I allowed fear in and tell myself there’s nothing to be scared of; this pain will soon pass; this fear is not to be lived within. Instead I’m pressing on, meeting fear face to face, and finding that fear will shrink at the sight of your resolve. I will overcome the things holding me back.
Another challenge for me will be to live and not care how others take it. ‘Live’ isn’t the right thing to say, I want to write and not censor myself based on how I think people will take it, or how I think others might think of me. Spending this time putting my heart out for all to see is exciting, gratifying and terrifying all at the same time. I want to be sensitive to others and not say things that will inflame or anger on purpose, but I also want to share my heart and the truth I hold. It’s about writing down the hard things.
Even with these challenges, I am looking forward to this next chapter. And I look forward to sharing it with you.