Making a decision to have a child – it’s momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
When my first husband and I were in pre-marital counseling, one of the issues we discussed in length was children. I wanted none, he wanted three. The pastor saw this as a problem. (Of course there were other problems, drugs, theft and emotional abuse; but those were kept under wraps until after the ceremony…. Good Times.) Fortunately for me, the marriage ended before there was a question of when the kids were coming.
Quite a few years of singleness followed, and I didn’t have to worry about the kid question.
Then I met my amazing Swedish dreamboat husband. When we started to talk about getting married, the kid issue came right back to the surface. And honestly, he was the first man in my life whom I would have agreed to have a baby with. I was also open to adoption, he wasn’t so sure. The issue became more of an unlocked door, but not one we tried to open.
At some point, the discussion changed to “What if we didn’t?” Would it be the end of the world? (NO) Would our parents and family understand? (Hopefully) Would we be OK with just us forever? (Uh, YEAH)
Here we are today, a CBC (childless by choice) couple.
A CBC couple who loves kids. Two nieces, three nephews, our cousins’ kids, our friends’ kids, and the students we have worked with. Our life has a lot of kids in it, just none who happen to live in our house. We love to be with each of these kids. Talking about school days and soccer games, learning who their very best friends are, playing new video games, hearing new music and having one of my girls come and sit on the couch pouring out her heart; these are my very favorite things to hear and do.
A CBC couple who are affected by the hurts and joys caused by your kids. We rejoice when your daughter gets into her dream college. We cry and mourn when your son is battling a drug addiction. We laugh along with your kids corny jokes. We flare up with anger when your kid faces injustice.
A CBC couple who knows they’d be great parents. I know parenting is an amazing and rewarding experience. I know my crazy need for perfection would be balanced out by his ‘everything will be OK’ attitude. I know we’d have fun. I know it’d be crazy hard. And I know by making this choice, we’ll be missing out on something which cannot be duplicated.
A CBC couple who are working at leaving a legacy. Every time one of your kids comes into our home, we want them to leave with the image of the following:
- A couple who are working hard at their marriage
- A welcoming home where those who enter are loved and respected
- A place to have fun and be spoiled
- A couple (outside of mom and dad) who are genuinely interested in their dreams
- A place where they can learn what it looks like to live out your passions
Now if husband and I had met in our early 20’s, or if the average life expectancy was in biblical ranges, this might be a very different post. (“Why I’ve got the best 10 kids on the planet.” – HA) But for now, the plan is just the two of us, well three if you count Miss Dolly, and five if you count the rotten cats.