Category Archives: Uncategorized Life

I got this

Standard

photo

Last weekend our church opened the doors on a new building.  While husband and I have only been around for a few months, the church has been mobile for over six years.  The church started in a home and later moved to the gym of an elementary school.  Everything about the sanctuary was put up and taken down each week.  Now we have a home.

There was a prayer and worship service on Saturday night before our first official Sunday morning.  It was a time of thankfulness of all that God has done in this body of believers in just a few short years.

I cried buckets of tears on Saturday night.  The first tear fell during the first song, and the last tear was wiped away as I walked out of the building.  I’m not totally sure what all the tears were about, but I do know I heard a whisper in my spirit.

I got this.

What’s my role, what do You want me to do? – I’ll lead and guide you, I got this.

What about __?  I’m worried about her. – Don’t worry, I got this.

Over and over again, I offered my worries, my fears, my jumbled thoughts to God.

Over and over and over again, He whispered back.  Don’t worry.  Don’t be afraid.  I got this.

The next morning was our first service.  The parking lot was full fifteen minutes before service started.  Seats started to fill, then chairs were added and finally it was standing room only.  A celebratory mood filled the room, any tears shed were tears of joy.

Dr. Walker spoke on John 6, the passage where Christ feeds the five thousand.  Dr. Walker talked about the three responses to Christ wanting to feed the people

It can’t be done.

We have some, but not enough.

A boy who offered his lunch.

When the boy offered his lunch, he gave it to Christ and left the results up to God.  The boy didn’t worry if it could be done, or if his offering was enough.  He simply gave what he had and left the rest up to God.

I got this.

I know these two things are connected.  I have to give up my need for control and submit to Him.  I only have to offer what I have, my time, my talents, my treasure and allow God to do with it what He wills.

Advertisements

Love from My Gut

Standard

A heart shape drawn in the condensation of a window

There are many young people in my life right now who seem to be on different planets. Some are heading off to new adventures, full of life, full of promise. Some are so hurt and so lost that they are acting out in unhealthy ways. Some are just living, going from situation to situation; just waiting to see what’s going to happen next.

Every day I wonder how best to love each of them.

A few weeks ago, my pastor talked about love. He spoke about our culture’s definition of love; always agreeing, affirming and/or approving of another’s life. He spoke about what a cheap form of love this is.

This kind of love has no heart to heart talks, sets no boundaries, gives no advice and will waffle when things get too hard or weird.

Isn’t a deep and expensive love the thing we all crave the most? The love which will stand up and tell me when I’m wrong, and love me anyway. The love which will sacrifice comfort in order to make me comfortable, and love me anyway. The love which will come beside me when life is hard, catching my tears, rubbing my back and love me anyway. A love which gives encouragement, declares truth and inspires change.

How can I give this deep, expensive love to the people in my life?

As I look back through my prayer journal a piece of the puzzle falls into place.
Romans 12:9  Love from the center of who you are.  (MSG version)

My head holds my intelligence.
My face will change depending on my mood or circumstance
My heart houses my emotions and feelings.
But my gut is the center of who I am. My soul. My conscience. My truth. The undeniable point when I know that I know.

Love is to come from my gut.

If I am to love the people in my life well, my love for them has to come from my gut. The center of who I am. The piece of me given over to a Savior who has promised to guide me. The place where divine truth is planted and where my identity can be found.

My gut, my center, my core is where absolute truth resides. The place where my opinions, my fleeting thoughts and my wishes come to die when held up to the blistering light of absolute truth.

Do I have the courage, the strength to love the people in my life like this?

Love from the center of who you are.

When others disappoint you.
When dealing with loss.
When crying in anguish.

Love from the center of who you are.

When dancing for joy.
When embarking on adventure.
When laughing till it hurts.

Love from the center of who you are.

Let Christ be my truth.
Let God be the center of my being.
Let the Holy Spirit communicate love through me.

Love from the center of who you are.

Old Habits Die Hard

Standard

Blackboard with days of the week schedule

.

How long does it take to develop an ‘old habit’?  The rule I’ve always heard is 21 days, but in doing a slight bit of research, 21 days is a myth.  In some people a habit may form in as little as 18 days, and in others it may take 84 plus.  In one of the articles I read, a good average is about 66 days to form a habit.  Just a hair over three months.

My habit crumbled in less than 30 days.  And my old friend fear showed up as a replacement.

I could write daily of my struggles with fear.  It ranges from being a good wife/friend/daughter/sister to the ability to keep up my home, wanting to be a better writer/artist, wanting to have a deeper relationship with God – fear touches every part of who I am and who I want to be.

BUT ultimately, I desire to banish fear from my mind, my heart and my vocabulary.  I want to rid my life of the fear I let rule me.  I want to learn to keep fear at bay and live a life of freedom.

So in this desire to banish fear from my life:

  1.  I am starting out on the twelve week journey of “The Artist’s Way.”  Writing every day, assignments to complete, fieldtrips to take, and a path to connecting with my creativity.
  2. I have been told there are 365 verses in the Bible which deal with fear.  I want to find a few to memorize.                                                                                                                           Psalm 56:3 – When I am afraid, I will trust in You.

Fear feeds off of the un-known and the un-doing.  By putting myself back onto a path of knowledge and action; maybe just maybe, I’ll learn to put fear in its place and become more of who I was created to be.

Rest

Standard

I finished November 30 with 50,271 words and then didn’t write anything for a week.

fifty thousand

.

.

Life got a little crazy with some projects we are trying to finish and I’m searching for time to rest.

With that in mind, I’ll be taking the remainder of December off and will be back full force in January.

Have a wonderful Christmas season and I’ll see you next year!

IMG_6054

17 years

Standard

This picture is on the bulletin board above my desk, my Granny Jo and I walking hand in hand.

She’s been haunting my thoughts lately.

Taking pictures of every holiday meal.

Giving shopping bags full of paperbacks to my dad every time we visited.

Being one of two people I’ve ever met who watched professional bowling on TV.

Always having Baby Ruth candy bars in her fridge.

But the haunting isn’t as much in how I miss her, but in all the things she’s missed.

She missed my big mistakes, but she has also missed my successes and joys.

She was spared having to watch the pain from my first marriage and subsequent divorce.

But she missed the restoration and joy that has come from finding my soul mate.

She saw me floundering with school and jobs in my early twenties,

But now has missed the excitement from finding a calling.

She met a few of my friends along the way,

But has missed meeting the women who have helped to shape me into who I am today.

She only ever knew me living in my parents’ home.

She has missed me moving 2000 miles away to establish a home of my own.

I looked it up the other day and realized it has been 17 years since we lost her.  17 years of tears and laughter we didn’t get to share.  17 pictures of Christmas Eve dinners she didn’t get to take.  17 boxes of chocolate covered cherries that she both loved and hated to receive.

The haunting thoughts are welcomed, dear Granny.  It helps me to remember the love and strength and joy you gave so generously to my life.

And I promise, pictures will be taken of all holiday meals.